Let's talk about sex.
Not the polished, glamorous version you see in adverts. The real version — when your body changes, your hormones are fluctuating and suddenly something that used to feel completely normal doesn't feel quite the same anymore.
Maybe your sex drive has disappeared.
Maybe sex has become uncomfortable.
Maybe you're experiencing vaginal dryness.
Or maybe you still want intimacy, but your body isn't responding in the way it used to.
And if you've found yourself wondering, Is this just me?, the answer is probably no.
Your libido can change
A change in sex drive can happen during perimenopause and menopause.
Hormonal changes can play a role, but libido is rarely as simple as one hormone.
Sleep, stress, mood, relationships, medications, confidence and how you're feeling about your body can all affect your desire for sex.
So if you're exhausted, waking up several times a night and feeling stressed all day, it's hardly surprising if sex isn't exactly at the top of your list.
That doesn't mean something is wrong with you.
Vaginal dryness is more common than you might think
As oestrogen levels change, the tissues of the vagina can become thinner and drier.
You may notice dryness, irritation, burning or discomfort.
And that can make sex uncomfortable or painful.
It's easy to fall into a cycle where sex becomes uncomfortable, so you start avoiding it, which can then create anxiety around intimacy.
The important thing is that you don't have to simply put up with painful sex.
There are treatments and products that can help, depending on what's causing the symptoms.
Pain isn't something you should just accept
This deserves saying clearly.
Pain during sex isn't something you have to consider a normal price of getting older.
If sex has become painful, speak to your doctor or another qualified healthcare professional.
They can help work out what's causing the discomfort and discuss options that may help.
And if you're experiencing vaginal dryness or other symptoms, don't be embarrassed to mention them.
Healthcare professionals hear these concerns all the time.
What about your relationship?
This is where things can become emotional.
If your desire changes but your partner's hasn't, it can be easy for either person to misunderstand what's happening.
Your partner might think you're no longer attracted to them.
You might feel guilty because you don't want sex in the same way you used to.
You might start avoiding conversations because they're awkward.
But a change in libido doesn't automatically mean you've stopped loving or fancying your partner.
Sometimes your body is simply going through a change that neither of you expected.
Talking about it openly can take away a lot of the confusion.
Intimacy doesn't have to mean sex
When sex becomes difficult, it's easy to think intimacy has disappeared too.
It hasn't.
Touching, kissing, cuddling, sleeping close together, having a bath together, talking, laughing and simply spending time physically close can all be forms of intimacy.
There isn't a rule saying intimacy has to end in sex.
Taking the pressure away can sometimes make it easier to reconnect.
You are still you
This is probably the most important thing.
Menopause doesn't make you less feminine.
It doesn't mean you're no longer sexual.
It doesn't mean your relationship has to change forever.
Your body may be changing, but you're still the same person inside it.
If your sex drive has changed, if sex has become uncomfortable or if you're struggling with vaginal dryness, you deserve information and support rather than embarrassment.
And you certainly don't need to suffer silently.
Want to understand more about menopause?
Sex and intimacy are just one part of the much bigger picture.
Our Menopause Guide for Women takes you through the physical, emotional and hormonal changes that can happen during perimenopause and menopause, including symptoms, treatment options, relationships, lifestyle and the questions worth asking your doctor.
Understand your body. Understand your options. Feel more confident about what's next.
Explore the Menopause Guide for Women →
Shop the Couples Guide
Want the full picture?
This is exactly the kind of conversation Menopause: A Guide for Couples is built for — written for both of you, so you can navigate it together.
Get the Couples Guide →